How the Hell Does an Atheist Deal With Depression?

I've been depressed lately.

Not necessarily “I can't get out of bed and everything is terrible” depressed. More like the kind that sneaks up on you when you're 57 and start looking at the dreams you had when you were younger and wondering what the hell happened to them.

I thought I was going to be a rock star.

And for a brief moment, it looked like I was going to be one. I got signed to Elton John's record label. I had the record deal. I had the songs. I had the dreams.

And then it all fell apart.

For years, I thought that meant I had failed.

But looking back at my life now, I'm starting to wonder if I was measuring success completely wrong.

So this week, I'm talking about depression, disappointment, failure, aging, and what happens when you're an atheist who doesn't believe there's a God waiting to swoop in and fix everything.

I've come up with five things that help me when life feels overwhelming:

There are stories about music, addiction, suicide attempts, sobriety, Elton John, rejection, friendship, and the strange realization that sometimes simply being here is an enormous accomplishment.

And, of course, there are voicemails.

We talk about greatest hits, Tompkins Square Park, cannibals, wrestling, the afterlife, robots telling me my podcast sucks, and whether I should finally stop saying “at the end of the day.”

Because apparently I can't make an episode about depression without getting completely sidetracked.

And then, at the end, I read a poem that stopped me in my tracks.

This one is funny, sad, philosophical, personal, and unexpectedly hopeful.

There Is No God And We're All Gonna Die
A surprisingly spiritual podcast from a gay, liberal atheist living in the Bible Belt.